Friday, March 16, 2012

Hollywood, I hope people make out at your funeral

Why? Why would I write something mean-spirited like that? Because The Bodyguard is being re-released around the country on March 28th, that's why. Thank you, AV Club, for this horrible, horrible news.

In the simplest possible terms:
(a) The Bodyguard was not a good movie, in any way. It was slow and drab and not exciting or romantic, which is a bad way to go for a thriller + love affair pic. It did nothing for Whitney Houston's acting career, and it was Costner's first big stumble (except for Revenge) after his string of 7 hits in 5 years (1987 to 1992).
(b) It's being rereleased not to honor Whitney Houston, but to grub a few extra bucks off of her death.

Hey, Hollywood! Why don't you just dig up her dead body and sell what you find in the coffin? It would be about as decent of you...

It will be playing in 4 theaters in NYC. If you find yourself at any of those viewings, I hope you stub your toe.

UPDATE: I'm sorry, in the rush to post quickly and move on, I focused on getting the news out and expressing my opinions. But that may come off as pure snark, and I'm better than that. Here are some positive, constructive comments:

Whitney Houston appeared in 4 movies: The Bodyguard, Waiting to Exhale, and The Preacher's Wife were 90's films, and none were well-reviewed. Whitney was only the star of the first and the last. It's offensive and cheap, then, to "honor" a dead person by putting her most famous and suckiest pic back on the big screen.

So why doesn't a Hollywood studio make a deal with her record label and release a film of Houston's best concert performances? Her vocation was to sing, and concert movies can be a lot of fun. Such a release wouldn't take a long time to edit and cut into a picture that celebrates her talent - it wouldn't need to be slick and perfect.

Or here's another idea... Whitney had a minor role in Sparkle, a movie that comes out this August. So why not simply rush the completed movie through the rest of its post-production process, then release that at the end of this month? This sort of quick work might be more difficult than I think, but it would be a reasonable way to still put out "a Whitney Houston movie" without coming off as a pure money-grubber (especially if it's a good performance in a good pic).

Alternatively, Hollywood could also get together a very plain series of interviews with people who knew and worked with Ms. Houston, then splice that in with footage of her live performances. If it were fast-tracked, it might be available for theaters within 2-3 months after her death, and they could promote it as they put the film together.

See? There were some options available here; it's just that the cheapest and most profitable won out. It's a lousy set of decisions since it's supposed to commemorate a troubled and talented artist who died young...

1 comment:

  1. 1. Another reason why business looks disgusting when you slap it on art. Or, in case of The Bodyguard, lack-of-art. Definitely an awful move on the part of Hollywood. Really, how do these people sleep at night?

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