Friday, June 19, 2015
Great Moments In... Awful Scripting
Here's the offending segment - what I think is the most comically-stupid, unintentional rhyming dialogue ever. I don't know screenwriting, but I do know that you're supposed to read dialogue out loud at some point to hear if it sounds bad.
Even forgetting what poor, perfunctory, plot-driving lines these are - and please note, none of these words convey anything about the characters saying them - the overuse of "-sion" sounds (especially "-ation") should've stood out to even a semi-attentive writer. The emphases are mine:
INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM
The hologram of PALPATINE sputters and fades away.
AMIDALA : Senator Palpatine?!? (turns to Panaka) What's happening?
CAPTAIN PANAKA turns to his SARGEANT
CAPT. PANAKA : Check the transmission generators...
BIBBLE : A malfunction?
CAPT. PANAKA : It could be the Federation jamming us. Your Highness.
BIBBLE : A communications disruption can only mean one thing. Invasion.
AMIDALA : Don't jump to conclusions, Governor. The Federation would not dare go that far.
CAPT. PANAKA : The Senate would revoke their trade franchise, and they'd be finished.
AMIDALA : We must continue to rely on negotiation.
BIBBLE : Negotiation? We've lost all communications!...and where are the Chancellor's Ambassadors? How can we negotiate? We must prepare to defend ourselves.
CAPT. PANAKA : This is a dangerous situation, Your Highness. Our security volunteers will be no match against a battle-hardened Federation army.
AMIDALA : I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war.
END SCENE BEFORE I LOSE MY LOVE OF LIFE
Really, the highlighting says it all. By the time I hear "negotiation," I start making up my own rhyming lines just to mock it.
I'll just point out that there is no personality on display here at all. It's a plot-moving scene that's dry and flat - which could be interesting and cool if the movies played this planet as having dry and flat people. Also, "Chancellor's Ambassadors" is a very awkward pairing; a semi-attentive writer writing for dialogue to be spoken aloud would've fixed that.
Truly, the Star Wars prequels are the gift that keeps on giving. Of umbrage.