Saturday, April 17, 2010

Weekly link run-down p.2

Another week, another batch of film news to go over. Is it bleak or promising? I mostly highlight a slew of improbable productions, all attempts at establishing franchises (sigh). I have a larger article on the topic coming, but in the meantime...

Netflix Agrees to Delay Releases for 3 Big Studios
Netflix trades instant streaming of many shows for a 28-day delay in releasing new movies by Fox, WB, and Universal. It's a smart move by the studios, and one I actually thought they'd decided on before - because I never rented films online until 2008. It doesn't seem like a weak business move for Netflix either - their streaming selection now includes every season of 24, Arrested Development, every show made by Joss Whedon, and many more.

What do lovers of film think? Do you care if Avatar comes out in April and can only be rented in May?

Mighty Mouse - Dredging Up Old Intellectual Property Reaches a New High
A Mighty Mouse movie. Yes, I dimly know about this old figure, but I haven't even seen a picture since the early 90's at best. Still, it's pre-packaged for the revenue-generating kids' market and has "a lot of source material" - these seem to be the requisite two lame excuse for what gets produced these days. [Because two excuses makes it sound reasonable and thought-out]

If I sound a little hostile, there's no venom in it. But consider: if it's an effort to capitalize on "a property" with "an existing fanbase or public awareness," how many people under 25 know anything about the Superman of Mice? The character was invented in the 40's, and its last big appearance was in the 80's. So how much smaller is the number who know that Andy Kaufman famously sang the theme song? What's next? I can only assume there will be a film version of Johnny Quest coming out in the next few years...

 Awful picture for a Jan 2010 boxset, huh?

Oh, No, Wait - a Footloose Remake Nobody Wanted
Craig Brewer, director of "Hustle & Flow" and "Black Snake Moan," will direct and write a "Footloose" sequel. This, despite the fact that now some small towns are allowing same-sex couples at their proms (though others, despicably, aren't). I for one think that the original was a complete story, one that requires no sequel.

Or perhaps the entertainment biz predicts a big resurgence for Kenny Loggins. We'll get an updated-for-the-21st-Century version of the hackneyed reason to ban all dancing in a town. When the big city dancing fool comes to the sticks, will he arrange dances via Twitter or Facebook? Will he have a dance-teaching app on his IPhone? More importantly, will everybody cut foot loose?
Perhaps we'll get a "Valley Girl" remake next. Or a 3-D re-reboot of "Starsky & Hutch?" Starring Zac Efron and Ryan Reynolds?

Maybe, but first comes a big screen adaptation of "The Man from Uncle."
That was random. And only 42 years after the series ended.

And a He-Man Reboot. Why, Lord, why?
Let's look over this: 1983 cartoon to support a Mattel toy line. A popular show, but not something that presented some amazing display of progressive plot, dialogue, or characters. For a musical comparison, it may have been a decent pop song - I'm being a little kind since I don't want to look over youtube clips. Although its 65th (and final) episode aired in 1985, there was a 1987 PG film starring real-life super-genius Dolph Lundgren and Frank Langella ("The Box," "Frost/Nixon"). The movie was so bad it was actually worth watching.

So does a 2011 reboot titled "Grayskull" make any kind of sense? The hero runs around in swim trunks and a little metal plating on his otherwise bare chest. One ally's power is a pair of slinkies in his legs - when he fights evil he makes a "SPROING!" sound. The villain is ripped like and dresses like the hero, but his skin is blue and his head is fleshless.

Perhaps John Waters could make this into delicious homoerotic camp, but that's probably not what's going to happen here...
Yes, please let this be our final battle.


  1. Oh dear, seems as though Hollywood truely is scraping the bottom of the barrel. Funny post. I enjoy your cynicism.

  2. I need to find a lot more people who do =) I only bring it out when it's called for, tho


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