Monday, September 19, 2011

Oh this image is too funny

I don't need to make a punchline. This picture does all the work. I saw it, then I just laughed and laughed.

I thought I'd leave it at that, and for everyone who wants to stop there, don't click "Read More »" - just enjoy the moment. But really, every element except for the background image is worth cracking up over.

I was scanning around for free tv show sources (on the WB's still-operational site, fyi). When I saw the title, I figured the show's page would have to be so-bad-it's-good. And I was right; this pic just keeps on givin' - containing so many different poor decisions that it's worth keeping this post from my plan of just being three sentences long.

Really, the words "Blade: The Series" are their own joke and punchline, which also need no explanation. The logo, with what looks like a ninja who slashed his own font? Also an efficient joke.

And he's either got a third leg or that's his long jacket. I don't know why a guy who runs around with a sword would want a coat that's as long as his feet. He could trip on that thing!

Starting in the foreground, we have to ask the question: who the hell would want to look like Wesley Snipes in Blade? Of course, it's fine if you were Snipes, and you were filming one of the Blade movies...

But look at that! The leather coat looks too big for him, and that's a worse sign than the overly-visible gear. The gear which looks like a collection of sex toys! Of course, this guy's bald and has a goatee, unlike Wesley, yet why such a close copy of the lead's look from the film? It's a TV show, after all, and they don't have the budget or expensive cameras used by Guillermo del Toro and the other directors in the series. 

Then we have the two people on the right of the screen. The woman's attractive enough, I guess, but I can't tell if her jacket's awful or cool. I dig the collar, but I'm unsure of the almost-paisley circle-in-circles pattern, or the way it's copied into the arm. The Asian guy, tho - he looks ridiculous with that cap.  The chain and that cut-off coat aren't helping any, either.

I'll betcha anything that's a black wife-beater he's wearing underneath.
Oh, and then you notice that there's a weird tattoo on his arm. I swear, it looks like the Brooklyn Bridge! -->


It's actually a half-hearted tattoo of the Brooklyn Bridge!

I hope his name in the show is "Sneaks" or "Brooklyn," or "Trash Can Sam."

Now we've got the fact that clearly the cast of Blade is supposed to be "diverse," especially with an African-American lead. You got one (silly-looking) Asian dude, and what looks like a probably-Anglo female. They could've hired a sister or a latina, but since the good guys are on one side and the bad guys are on the other (with Blade in-between, how symbolic!), I can buy the heroes as a multi-ethnic force for justice. That's a positive message.

But why are the two vampires dim-looking blonds with the palest skin imaginable?

And their expressions are just ridiculous. "Malibu Undead Barbie" is what I read on her face. Or perhaps it's "Entertainment Tonight: Vampire Edition." And the guy either looks like he bribed his way through college or like he's trying to sell a bad car; possibly phony real estate. Their presence (I'm assuming they're major baddies in B:TS) also makes the main cast of an Afro-centric series balanced in the wrong direction.

Even the series' description reads badly.

An immortal vampire (redundant!) named Blade fights... his personal demons? I mean, if he's fighting his nature, not other vampires or inner-city crime, then he has a purely internal struggle that cannot save humanity unless Blade himself is endangering it.

I haven't seen the show, and I don't know any of the cast; Blade:The Series might have had fine acting... But just think - that topmost picture reflects the casting and costume design choices that seemed like a good way to sell this show.

It's incredible. And I don't think it gets less funny just because I've analyzed how every part of that image can generate still more laughter. Honestly, that one snapshot has so many jokes-within-jokes, it's more complicated than The Usual Suspects. I didn't want to take so much time breaking it down, but I'd like to think it was worth it.

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